Not This Time Mother Clucker…

A client once asked me how he could “be good” and not eat cake at his daughter’s wedding so he didn’t interrupt or derail his weight loss goals. His question made me feel like I was punched in the gut. I was so sad that he asked me this question, but I was also so happy that he did so I could set him straight and give him the permission he needed to enjoy this very special day to the fullest, even if that meant eating more (or differently) than he would on a “normal” day. This gentleman’s question was not a one-off anomaly in my practice. Unfortunately, our culture promotes these kinds of thoughts and questions. Think about it, how many times have you seen articles about how to “manage the holidays” or “not overeat while traveling” or “keep your beach body while on vacation?”

We are conditioned to believe that we need to harness willpower and “be good” when we’re most tempted by foods that are fun, comforting, traditional and delicious. This line of thinking is a literal recipe for disaster. The deprivation and restriction we feel from “being good” and “saying no” to tempting foods on special occasions, holidays and while traveling only leads us to overeat or binge eat afterwards in our “regular life.” I can assure you. Returning from a vacation feeling proud of yourself for not eating a single dessert the entire time only to binge eat an entire package of Oreos when you get back is WAY WORSE for your physical and psychological health than having dessert every night on vacation.

At some point in our work I ask almost every single one of my clients to make a list of authentic special occasions that they can think of. I ask them to consider occasions, travel, holidays, celebrations, and/or events that are unique to them, and that feel special to them. I’ve never seen anyone come up with a list more than 50 occasions long (and this includes a list from a woman who told me she was such a big New England Patriots fan that every game each season was a special occasion to her). I loved this woman’s honesty and fandom! 50 days is 14% of a year. 50 days of special occasions means that there are 315 days of “normal” life every year. 315 days to figure out what healthy eating means to you, and 50 days to not worry about it at all!

I had a special occasion in my life recently. A little over a month ago I flew to Texas to visit a dear college friend I hadn’t seen since long before COVID. It was the first time I traveled solo since the pandemic began. We had plans to see Elton John in concert (plans that would have happened in 2020…but we all know that story). To me, this qualified as an authentic special occasion and I was prepared to rise to the occasion by taking in all the food East Texas has to offer, including Stanley’s Famous BBQ’s infamous Mother Clucker sandwich. For those not in the know, this sandwich’s descriptions reads thusly: “Spiked & smoked chicken thigh filet with spicy bbq mayo, cheddar cheese, topped with an over easy fried egg, house-made guacamole, thick-cut smoked candied bacon and served on toasted jalapeno cheese sourdough.” Yup, I’m a dietitian and not only did I plan to eat this, but I’ve also had it before! OMG “y’all” it’s amazingly delicious, AND it’s not in line with a single one of my personal health goals. I gotta tell you, it did not disappoint! Did I also have margaritas? Yup. My beloved Swedish fish on the plane? Yup. Some Tex-Mex? Yeah, that too. Was I dying for a salad by the time I got home? Sure was, and I had one the second I got off the plane. But I digress… 

What’s the point of all this confessing? Well, I’m writing this from my American Airlines flight back to Dallas, TX just a few short weeks later. As it turns out, Elton John got COVID while I was there and cancelled the show we had tickets to. It was rescheduled for this weekend so I’m headed back to (hopefully) sing my face off (behind my mask of course) to Rocket Man. Though I’m excited, this occasion is far less “special,” and that’s not an insult or a bad thing. This is just travel, something I was blessed to have done a lot of before COVID, and this is just a concert. I love live music, I used to see a lot of shows, and I have tickets lined up in the coming months to ensure that whatever my post-COVID life looks like it will again include this thing I love to do. I just ate a Starbucks spinach and egg white wrap at Logan for breakfast, I’ve given up alcohol for lent, and I will not be visiting Stanley’s on this trip. Sorry Mother Clucker. Not this time.

For most of us, one of the hardest things about special occasion eating is being honest and accountable to our own individual and unique definitions of what is actually “special.” Helping people work on this is one of my favorite parts of my job, especially because it’s so easy to define what is special when we stop looking at food as the enemy. When we decriminalize foods we love, and uncomplicate our relationships with food it’s so much easier to have a clear (and non-restrictive) view on “normal days” vs. “special days.” When we stop fighting so hard to avoid foods we love, especially during special times, we become empowered and far less likely to make up reasons to try and turn a regular old Tuesday into a “special day” so we can eat foods that feel forbidden or that bring up feelings of guilt and shame. I also find that when people feel they have authentic permission to eat freely on special occasions, they actually begin naturally to resist the urge to overeat on these days. That’s right, allowing yourself to eat fun and forbidden foods usually leads to eating less of them. Please, read that last line twice.

I don’t know if you need to hear this, but please keep reading. Let’s go back to this idea that it’s possible that 14(ish)% of the day of a year might be “special.” With rare exceptions (such as food allergies and certain medical conditions), if any of us eats in a way that deviates from our health/life/fitness goals 14% of the time, the foods we eat on these days are statistically not likely to impact our outcomes and goals in the long term, in the big picture. They just aren’t. Special occasions are special. Their relative rarity is what makes them special, but more importantly how we eat on these days is part of what makes them memorable. I have my clients make these lists so they can worry less about the perceived impact these days might have on their goals, but also so they can focus more on the perceived joy they have on these days. The positive impact of this joy far outweighs any calories they consume.

Special occasions sometimes come with special foods, indulgent foods, outrageous foods. Please, for the love of God, eat the foods. Let what’s special be special, because you are special.